The Princess Bride Sorta
by ariesrobin
Summary: So I was watching The Princess Bride  one of my all-time favorite movies  and I just  got the idea that instead of Grandpa telling the story to the Grandson, it was Maddy telling the story of Uncle Michael and Aunt Fi to a young Charlie.
1. Chapter 1

So I was watching The Princess Bride (one of my all-time favorite movies) and I just got the idea that instead of Grandpa telling the story to the Grandson, it was Maddy telling the story of Uncle Mike and Aunt Fi to a young Charlie. I just could not stop giggling at the idea of the various characters playing the roles in the movie. So here is my rewrite (sorry if the format is a bit hard to read, but it is more of script format since I am taking the whole thing, at least the beginning from the movie almost directly)… none of them are mine… I just wish that they were…

Cast as translated from movie to BN:

Mother: Ruth

Son: Charlie

Grandpa: Maddy (obviously grandma)

Buttercup: Fi

Westley: Michael

Humperdinck: Larry

Count Rugan: Vaughn

Inigo: Sam

Fezzik: Jesse

Vizzini: Brennan

Miracle Max and Valerie: Seymore and Jackass

King and Queen: Bailey and Monaro

The Albino: Sugar

Ancient Booer: Nate

000000xxxxxx0000000xxxxxxx

Our story opens with young Charlie home sick in bed.

Ruth walks in and gently puts her lips to Charlie's forehead. "Hi Honey."

"Hi Mom." Charlie mumbles.

"You feeling any better?" Ruth asks.

"A little bit."

Ruth trying to cheer up her grumpy son askes him "Guess what?"

"What?"

Ruth trys to inject excitement into her voice. "Your Grandmother is here."

"Mom, can't you tell her I'm sick..." Charlie whines.

"You're sick? That's why she's here."

Charlie responds to Ruth in a rather whiney and petulant manner complaining that She'll pinch his cheeks..."I hate that!"

"Maybe she won't..." Ruth responds, trying to sooth her irritable son.

Madeline sweeps into the room, all bright colors and brash manner.

She practically dances over to the bed, in her element amidst the unspoken drama between mother and son, "Heyyyyy...How's the sicky? Huh?" as she pinches Charlie's too pale cheek.

Charlie looks over at Ruth with a truly put upon look, to which she just sighs and shrugs. Seeing her chance for a quick escape and a bit of time to herself she smiles at them both

.

"I think I'll leave you two pals alone.:

Madeline pulls a brightly wrapped package out from under her arm and hands it to Charlie with an expectant look on her face, proudly stating "I brought you a special present"

Charlie, being your typical kid is of course excited by the idea of a gift.

"What is it?" He says excitedly.

"Open it up."

Charlie tears the wrapping paper off the package and with a skeptical look on his face states "A book?"

"That's right," replied Madeline. "A photo book, when I was your age, television was called books; and this is a special book. It was the book that was given to me me when your uncle Mike was away and I used to look at it with your father...and today, I'm gonna look at it with you and tell you the story that goes along with it"

"Does it have any explosions in it?" Charlie asks, barely managing to sound interested.

"Are you kidding?" Maddy practically oozes. "Explosions, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles."

"It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake." Charlie replied with sarcasm.

Maddy gives him the raised eyebrow and the look that she has given to both his father and uncle many times over the years and replied back with her own acidic whit. .Well, thank you very much. That's very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming" she pauses and Charlie gives her the patented Westen stare back. "Oh..alright..The Story of Michael and Fiona… as told by me."

Maddy begins to tell the story in her best story telling voice.

Fiona was raised near a small pub in the country of Ireland. Her favorite past-times were working in the family pub and tormenting the young man that had come to work there and train to be a member of the IRA. His name was Michael. But she never called him that. Isn't that a wonderful beginning?

Charlie responds with little enthusiasm. :"Yeah..it's really good".

"Nothing gave Fiona as much pleasure as ordering Michael around".

As Maddy is telling the story, Charlie dozes a bit and in his imagination begins to see the story like he is there, not just looking at the pictures in the album but really living them.

"McBride," Fiona called out sweeping into the pub. "Varnish the bar top. I want to see my face shining in it by morning."

"As you Wish." He quietly stated back.

Madeline's voice seems to drift to Charlie from far away. 'As you wish' was all he ever said to her.

"McBride, fill these with water...please?" Fiona stated, holding a tray of glasses.

"As you wish." Was the quiet reply.

That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying 'as you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.' And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

"McBride, fetch me that c4." Fiona practically whispers while standing well within reaching distance of the box that she is working with,

Micheal reaches across her, and gently hands her the c4 that she is asking for "as you wish" he whispers back while helping her to affix the detonator and leaning in to brush her lips with his.

"Hold it! Hold it!" Charlie bolts upright in bed, practically tossing the album off his lap. "What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the explosion? Is this a kissing story?"

"Wait, just wait" Maddy replies.

Charlie lest out a big sigh. "Well when does it get good?"

Maddy gives him another look, "Keep your shirt on and let me tell the story".

Michael had no money for marriage so he packed his few belongings and left the pub to seek his fortune, as he was really an undercover operative he knew that he would have to leave anyways. It was a very emotional time for Fiona."

"I don't believe this!" Huffed Charlie.

Michael has told Fiona that he may have to leave for a mission, though he has told her that it is for the IRA.

"I'm afraid I'll never see you again... if you go without me" She sighed while leaning into his chest.

"Of course you will." Michael replied, wrapping his arms around her slight frame.

"But what if something happens to you?"

"Hear this now, I will always come for you". Michael replied burying his face in her fragrant hair.

"But how can you be sure?" She whispers into his neck.

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?" Michael kisses her and they go upstairs to the room above the pub. In the middle of the night Michael sneaks out, leaving Fiona behind.

"Michael didn't reach his destination." Maddy continued. "His transport was attacked by a terrorist insurgent group, who never left captives alive. When Fiona got the news that Michael was murdered..."

"Murdered by terrorists is good!" Charlie interrupted.

Maddy continued. "She went into her room and shut the door, and for days she neither slept nor ate."

"I will never love again." Fiona passionately stated her eyes now dry and tearless.

To Be Continued…..


	2. Chapter 2

Seeing that she now has more of Charlie's attention Maddy continues the story.

"Five years later the main board room of the Florin Corp was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the Chief Special Operative Larry's partner to be.

Larry holds up his hands for silence, clears his throat and beams a huge smarmy smile. "My people! A month from now, our company will have its 500th Anniversary. On that sundown I shall partner with a lady who was once a common merc and arms dealer like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?"

The crowd in the board room responds with a resounding "Yes!"

"My people, the Special Operative Fiona!" He announced in ringing tones while sweeping out an arm to encompass the opening doors.. A stunning young woman with flowing dark hair and a slight willowy build walks calmly through the door.

Maddy changed her voice to a slightly lower pitch to fill in the narration about how she figured that Fiona was feeling at the time.

"Fiona's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the company gave Larry the right to choose his partner, she did not love him (much less really like him). Despite Larry's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily walks to the munitions shop where she could loose herself in the creation of new weapons and explosives".

Xxxxxx00000xxxxxx00000

The next morning Fiona is out for her usual daily walk. As she reaches the mid-point of the several mile long trail she comes across a small group of men. She eyes them with mistrust but not seeing anything too threatening she stops when they address her.

"A word my lady? ...We are but poor lost arms dealers. Is there a facility nearby?" asks the first of the men. A tall slender man with a slightly ferrity face and watery blue eyes.

Fiona trying to be helpful since they seem rather harmless replies with the truth.

"There is nothing nearby. Not for miles."

The man who just happened to named Brennen smiled a slightly evil smile and states in an overly relaxed tone. "Then there will be no one to hear you scream..."

A tall, good looking black man quickly grabs Fiona by the neck, injects something from a syringe and renders her unconscious. And with the assistance of an athletically built older gentleman in a loud Hawaiian shirt they take Fiona to their boat.

Hearing a tearing noise behind him the man in the Hawaiian shirt turns to Brennan.

"What is that you're ripping?"

"It's fabric from the uniform of an operative of Guilder!" Is the rather snarky reply.

" Who is Guilder?" questions the tall black man.

"The company across the bay! The sworn enemy of Florin!" Comes the almost scathing response.

Brennan makes sure to scuff up the ground in the area where the abducted Fiona and makes it look like the piece of fabric was caught on a tree, but still in plain sight,

"Go!" Brennan practically shouts. "Once enough time has lapsed and the woman does not check in at the armory then the search parties will be sent out, the fabric will make the chief special operative suspect that the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead at the Guilder front gates his suspicions will be totally confirmed."

"You never said anything about killing anyone?" The tall black man gasps.

Brennan replies in an angry and frustrated tone of voice. "I hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition!"

"I just don't think it's right...killing an innocent woman."

"Am I going mad, or did the word 'think? escape your lips?" Brennan scoffs. "You were not hired for your brains you hippo-britanic land mass!"

At this point the man in the Hawaiian shirt interrupts the beginning of the tirade "I agree with Jesse."

"Oh, the sot has spoken!" Brennan snarls, turning his rage on the other man. "What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her! And remember this, never forget this;" He is practically frothing at the mouth at this point. "When I found you, Sam, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy a mojito! And you!" He turns back to Jesse. "Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you to where you were? Stuck in a cubicle farm, in Counter Intelegence!"

Brennan stalks away and with sharp motions unties the boat from the dock and prepares to set way.

Sam trys to lighten the mood by turning to Jesse and in a low voice says to him, "Brennan, he can...fuss."

"Fuss, fuss, I think he likes to scream at us." Replies Jesse starting in on what appears to be a common way of blowing off time between the two.

"Probably he means no...harm." Sam quips.

"He's very, very short on...charm." Jesse raises an eyebrow.

"You have a great gift for rhyme." Sam winks.

Jesse shoots him a smart ass grin "Yes, yes, some of the time."

"Enough of that!" Brennan shouts after plainly hearing their round of slightly baiting word play.

At which point Sam pipes up with "Hey Jesse, are there rocks ahead?"

"Well Sam, If there are, we'll all be dead."

"No more rhymes now, I mean it!" Grumps Brennan.

"Anybody want a peanut?" Gasps out Jesse, since both he and Sam are now struggling to even remain upright much less resist laughing out loud.

"Aauuuggghhhhh!" Shouts Brennan, shaking his fist at both of them.

To be continued….


	3. Chapter 3

**Don't own Burn Notice or the Princess Bride… but I am having fun playing with their worlds. **

"It has been many hours and night has fallen by now, Fiona has come to from the drugs that they had given her and despite having a slight headache and parched throat is sitting up and watching the men carefully". Continued Maddy.

"We'll reach the retaining wall by dawn." Brennan stated while smiling smugly. He then turned to look at Sam, who was staring back in the direction they had come from. "Why are you doing that?"

"Making sure nobody is following us." Sam replied.

Brennan promptly hops on his high horse and responds to Sam like he is an idiot. "That would be inconceivable."

Fiona, having reached the point where she can remain silent no longer jumps into the conversation. "Despite what you think, you will be caught; and when you are, the Chief SpecOpp will see you all executed".

"Of all the necks on this boat, Special Agent, the one you should be worrying about is your own..." Brennan pauses and looks back at Sam who is still looking back. "Stop doing that! We can all relax! It's almost over".

"Are you sure nobody is following us?" Replies Sam.

Brennan responds back in his haughtiest manner. "As I told you it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable! No one at Guilder knows what we've done, and no one with Florin could have gotten here so fast." He pauses. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"Suddenly, I just happened to look behind us and something is there."

"What?" Brennan nearly shouts in disbelief while lunging towards the back of the boat to peer behind and seeing what looks like a yacht in the distance. "...Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night, through shark infested waters."

At this point, seeing their distraction Fiona takes her chance and jumps over the side of the boat and into the water.

"What? Go in! Go after her!" Brennan shouts upon hearing the splash and seeing her getting away.

"I don't swim." Sam replies in a voice that is just daring Brennan to question him.

Brennan turns and glares at Jesse, who having also had enough of the high handedness of Brennan responds with, "I only dog-paddle..."

"Aauuuggghhhhh!" Brennan yells and begins barking out directions. "Veer left! ...left! ...left!"

Suddenly there is violent splashing heard from all sides of the boat and see numerous large dark shapes and sharp dorsal fins cutting the water.

"Do you know what that sound is, Special Agent?" He asks mockingly. "Those are the man eating sharks! If you don't believe me, just wait. They always splash louder when they're about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now I promise no harm will come to you...I doubt you'll get such an offer from the sharks."

"She doesn't get eaten by the sharks at this time." Maddy stops the story.

"What?" Charlie nearly yelps.

"The shark doesn't get her...I'm explaining to you because you looked nervous."

"I...I wasn't nervous." Charlie stutters. Then catching himself tries to sound nonchalant. "Well maybe I was a little bit concerned but that's not the same thing."

"...Because we can stop now if you want." Maddy offers.

"No, you could tell me a little bit more if you want." States Charlie, trying to sound like he doesn't really care.

Maddy starts back into the story. "Do you know what that sound is Special Agent? Those are the man eating sharks!"

"Past that ,Grandma. You told me that part already." Charlie chimes in, anxious to move the story along.

"Oh...oh my goodness, I did. I'm sorry. Beg your pardon." Maddy grumbles and mumbles a bit to herself. "alright, alright, lets see…uh...she was in the water, the shark was going after her, she was frightened, the shark started to charge her and then..."

Jesse reaches a long, muscular arm out of the boat, smacks the shark on the snout and grabs Fi by the back of the shirt, hauling her over the side and onto the deck.

"Put her down! Just put her down!" Barked Brennan.

"I think he's getting closer!" States Sam who has remained looking back at the vessel behing them.

"He's no concern of ours! Sail on!" he scoffs at Sam. He then turns to Fiona with an evil grin on his face. "I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?"

Fiona met his eyes in a contemptuous and haughty stare "Only compared to some."

To be continued…..


	4. Chapter 4

**Nope… Still not mine. And if you have not seen The Princess Bride then I highly recommend it. You will find the story even funnier and see an awesome movie as well. There are some sites out there where you can even watch it free on line. Anyways, back to our story (this is a long one and I was up till 2 am to finish it so sorry if there are errors)… .**

As the sun came up the next morning Sam was looking back over the back of the boat.

"Look! He is right on top of us! I wonder if he's using the same fuel we are using?"

"Whoever he is, he's too late! See!" exclaimed Brennan gleefully pointing at the huge seawall that they were coming abreast of. "The Wall of Insanity! Hurry up! Move..the thing...and that other thing! Move it!" He shouted, gesturing wildly and jumping to the small dock below the massive wall. "We're safe, only Jesse is strong enough and knows the hidden hand holds to go up our way. He'll have to sail around for hours 'till he finds a harbor."

Jesse ropes the others to himself and begins climbing up the almost hidden rope that runs along a shallow hidden groove in the wall. The climb is nearly vertical and he is working very hard with the added weight.

"He's climbing the rope...and he's gaining on us." Sam states in shock as he looks down the face of the wall.

"Inconceivable!" Exclaims Brennan "...Faster!"

"I thought I was going faster." Jesse gasps.

"You were supposed to be this colossus, you were this great legendary strong man and yet he gains!" Berates Brennan.

Jesse continues to climb, gasping out between hand holds "Well, I'm carrying three people, and he got only himself."

Brennan practically spits the works into his face. "I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself a new strong man, that's all."

"Don't say that, Brennan, please?" Jesse begs.

"Did I make it clear that your job is at stake?" Snarled Brennan.

"Jesse finally reaches the top and with much effort they all clamber onto the flat area at the top of the wall. Running to where the rope is fastened, Brennan pulls out a combat knife and after sawing away for a few moments the severed rope snaked over the side of the wall. Not hearing a thud all three of the men peer over the edge of the wall." Maddy continues with her description of the action.

"He's got very good arms." Stated Sam in his usual droll manner.

Brennan gasps out, "He didn't fall! Inconceivable!"

Sam looks at him in confusion, "You keep using that word? I do not think it means what you think it means..." He looks back down over the edge of the wall. " my god...he's climbing."

"Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the Special Agent and must therefore die. You" Brennan points to Jesse. "carry her. We'll head straight for the Guilder stronghold." He then points to Sam. "Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine; if not, the sword."

"I'm going to do him left-handed." Sam states.

"You know what a hurry we're in!" Brennan practically squeals at him.

Sam gives Brennan the raised eyebrow. "Well, it is the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right, it's over too quickly."

"Oh have it your way." Brennan huffs.

Jesse addresses Sam with concern. "You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted."

"I'm waiting..." Barks out Brennan impatiently to Jesse.

Sam unsheathes the sword that he carries at his waist and does a few practice lunges and stretches. After a few moments he looks over the edge of the wall at the man who practically blends into the wall because he is dressed head to toe in black. The man in black is making slow but steady progress up the wall.

"Hello there. Slow going?" Sam calls down, unable to stand the quiet any longer.

"Look," The man in black replies, "I don't mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me."

"Sorry." Sam states apologetically.

"Thank You." Is the short response.

Sam is silent for a few more moments at the top of the wall. "I do not suppose you could speed things up?"

The man in black responds back with more than a bit of exasperation in his voice. "If you're in such a hurry you could lower a rope or a tree branch

or find something useful to do."

"I could do that." Sam replies back, looking around. "I still got some rope up here. But I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you."

"That does put a damper on our relationship" Comes back the dry resonce.

Sam thinks for a moment. "...but, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top."

"That's very comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."

"I hate waiting." Sam huffs. "I could give you my word as a Navy SEAL?"

"No good." The man in black gasps out, still struggling up the side of the wall. "I've known too many SEALS"

"Is there another way you'll trust me?" Sam asks.

"Nothing comes to mind." Is the grunted reply.

"I swear on the soul of my Father, James Samuel Axe, you will reach the top alive." Sam states in a very solemn manner.

"Throw me the rope." Replys the man in black.

Sam unwinds more of the rope from the tree that it is secured around and throws it down to the man in black and with much groaning from both of them assist with hauling him up the cliff.

"Thank you." Heaves the man in black as he struggles to draw the sword that he has attached to his belt.

Sam holds up his hand. "wait wait wait wait wait wait 'till you're ready."

"Again, thank you." Responds the man in black as he sits heavily down on a nearby rock and removes his boot to shake out the stones that have collected during his climb.

Sam lowered himself to the boulder across from the man in black and looked at him inquiringly. "I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"

The man in black holds up his right hand and wiggles his five fingers at Sam. "Do you always begin conversations this way?" He questioned.

"My father was slaughtered by a six fingered man. He was a great weapons-maker, my father. When the six fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done." Sam told the man in black as he unsheathed his sword and held it out for the man in black to examine.

"I've never seen its equal." The man in black stated with obvious awe.

"Six fingered man returned and demanded it..." Sam continued his tale. "but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father, so naturally I challenged this man to a fight. I failed...but the six fingered man leave mealive, but he gave me this" he points to an L shaped scar on his chin. " and this." He stated pointing out another scar.

"How old were you?" The man in black asked.

"I was eleven years old." Stated Sam. "When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of weaponry; so the next time we meet I will not fail. I will go up to the six fingered man and say 'Hello, my name is Sam Axe. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'

At this the man in black looked impressed. "You've done nothing but weapons-skills?"

"More pursue more than study lately." Sam shrugged. "You see, I cannot find him...it's been twenty years now and I'm starting to lose confidence. I just work for Brennan to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge."

_The two men sit for a few more moments in silent contemplation and then the man in black rises to his feet. "_Well I...I certainly hope you find him someday"

.

"You all ready then?" Sam asks as they both begin the process of drawing swords.

"Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair."

Sam finishes drawing his sword and stands at ready. "You seem a decent fellow...I hate to kill you."

The man in black throws aside his scabbard and also stands ready to figh. "You seem a decent fellow...I hate to die."

"Begin." Sam states, nodding confidently.

The swords flash through the air, fist in a few slow test parries and then moving faster and faster until they become almost a blur of bright steel.

"You are using Bonetties Defense against me, ah?" Sam commented.

"I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain." Countered the man in black.

"Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capa Fero?" Said Sam, beating the man in black back a few steps.

" Naturally...but I find that Tibal cancels out Capa Fero. Don't you?" Returned the man in black, taking the few steps back.

Driving the man in black up a steep hill of boulders Sam continues "Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa...which I have."

They continue trading blows back and forth while chasing each other all over the area at the top of the wall. _They continue to exchange attacks and parries_ and time passes quickly.

"You are wonderful!" Sam enthuses.

"Thank you. I've worked hard to become so."

Flashing a smile Sam locks eyes with the man in black as he is steadily backed up against a wall. "I admit it, you are better than I am."

"Then why are you smiling?" comes the suspicious response. 

"Because I know something you don't know."

"And what is that?"

Sam smiles like a mad man and tossing his sword in the air catches it in his right hand. "I am not left-handed!"

The fight continues with Sam now clearly having the upper hand. They duck and weave, spin and dodge and the blades continue to flash.

The man in black appears to be tiring. "You're amazing!" He tells Sam.

"I ought to be after twenty years." Sam replies with a tilt of his head.

"There's something I ought to tell you." The man in black smiles back at Sam from his precarious position at the edge of the wall.

"Tell me!"

"I'm not left-handed either." With a flourish the man in black switches to his right has and performs a few amazing feats before resuming the fight.

"Who are you?" Sam asks, clearly in awe as he is now being driven from one area of the clearing to another.

"No one of consequence." Comes the response.

"I must know."

"Get used to disappointment."

Clearly disappointed Sam shrugs. "Okay..."

The fight rages on with both men clearly working hard, though the advantage is clearly with the man in black and after what seems like hours, with a quick flick of his wrist, the man in black causes Sam's sword to go flying from his hand.

Sam drops defeated to his knees in front of the man in black. "Kill me quickly."

"I would as soon destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either..." the man in black takes a few steps behind Sam and whacks him in the back of the skull with the hilt of his sword, rendering him unconscious. "Please understand I hold you in the highest respect." He says to the unconscious SEAL before running off in the direction that the others had taken.

Looking back on a regular basis, it is not long before Brennan catches sight of the man in black in hot pursuit. "Inconceivable!" he yelps. "Give her to me! Catch up with us quickly! He yells at Jesse, taking Fiona roughly from him and starting to drag her away.

"What do I do?" Jesse asks.

Brennan looks at him in exasperation. "Finish him! Finish him...your way..."

Jesse smiles. "Oh good. My way. Thank you Brennan. Which way's my way?" the smiles fades.

"Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, and in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his HEAD is in view hit it with the rock!" Brennan responds with severe irritation.

"My way is not very sportsman-like." Jesse mumbles while walking out of sight behind the boulders and Brennan continues on dragging a struggling Fiona behind.

As the man in black sprints up the hill a large rock crashes into the boulder just behind his head, showing him in shards and dust. Nearly having his head crushed by a rock causes him to stop almost in his tracks as Jesse steps out from behind a boulder a bit further up the trail.

"I did that on purpose. I didn't have to miss."

"I believe you." The man in black replies, looking between the shattered rock that had nearly bashed in his skull and Jesse. "So what happens now?"

Jesse shrugs. "We face each other as god intended; sportsman-like...no tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone."

The man in black looks skeptically at Jesse. "You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?" He quipped.

"I could kill you now?" Jesse stated while tossing another large rock in the palm of his hand.

"Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting." replied the man in black with more than a bit of sarcasm in his voice.

"It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest." Jesse said. "I barely even exercise."

The man in black takes a huge breath and charges determinedly at Jesse. With a resounding thud he bounces off Jesse's chest. He then tries a series of throws that do not budge the much larger man. "Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?" He pants in frustration.

"I just want you to feel you are doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed. Jesse makes a grab for him and misses. "You're quick!"

"Good thing too." Replies the man in black while dodging gamely.

"Why are you wearing a mask? Were you burned by acid or something like that?" Asks Jesse between lunges.

"Oh no, it's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future." Says the man in black as he manages to jump onto Jesse's back and wrap his arms around his neck.

Jesse lunges backward and slams the man in black between himself and one of the boulders along the path. "I just figured out why you would give me so much trouble." He gasps, beginning to sound winded.

"Why is that, do you think?" Grunts the man in black the wind nearly knocked out of him.

"Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long..." Jesse struggles "...I've been specializing in groups, fighting gangs for local charities...that kind of thing."

"Why should that make such a…"Jesse lunges back again smushing the man in black. ",,,difference?" the man in black groans out.

Jesse responds, his words coming slower and slower as the man in black tightens his grip. "You see, you use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people, then when you only have to worry about one." He finishes on a final gasp and crashes heavily to the ground.

The man in black struggles to roll Jesse over and then checks to make sure that he is still breathing. "I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But in the meantime, rest well and dream of large, exotic women." He says quietly to the unconscious strong man before lunging to his feet and again following in the direction that Brennan has dragged Fiona off in.

To be continued (this was a long one folks, I may need to take a break for a day or so since the next scene is gonna be the battle of wits. :-). )…


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! So glad that so many folks are enjoying this as much as I am, it has been fun adapting my favorite movie to my favorite characters. A special thanks to DaisyDay and Purdys Pal for all their assistance and encouragement! It is gonna be another long chapter so brace yourselves. :-). As usual, none of them are really mine, though I sure wish that they were.**

0000xxxx00000xxxxx

"Now at the same time that the man in black is catching up to Brennan and Fiona the Chief Special Operative Larry has since found out that Fiona has been abducted. After finding the scrap of fabric and drawing the expected conclusion, they have traveled across the bay and arrived at the top of the Wall of Insanity. He is closely examining the ground while his henchmen look on." Maddy explained to Charlie.

"There was a mighty duel. It ranged all over. They were both masters." Stated Larry while placing his feet in the footprints that are all over the ground and acting out a few lunges of his own.

"Who won? How did it end?" Asked Vaughn, Larry's second in command and general lead henchman.

Larry continues to follow the path of the fight around the area at the top of the wall, finally reaching the area where the unconscious Sam had been laying. "The loser ran off alone, and the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder Corp..."

"Shall we track them both?" Vaughn questioned.

"The loser is nothing." Larry scoffed contemptuously. "Only the Special Agent matters. Clearly this was all planned by operatives of Guilder! We must all be ready for whatever lies ahead."

Vaughn nods in agreement. "Could this be a trap?"

"I always think everything could be a trap. That is why I am still alive." Larry said with an air of supreme confidence.

Larry and his men scurry off to follow the trail of the man in black. At the same time the man in black has finally caught up to Brennan, who is calmly setting up a sumptuous meal on a low boulder and holding a combat knife to Fiona's throat as she sits quietly bound and blindfolded.

"So, it is down to you, and it is down to me..." he quips at the man in black. "if you wish her dead, by all means keep moving forward"

The man in black holds out both hands to show he is unarmed and keeps moving slowly towards the seated pair. "Let me explain..."

"There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen." Brennan stated baldly.

"Perhaps an arrangement can be reached?" The man in black replies still moving smoothly forward.

"There will be no arrangements...and you're killing her." Brennan responds while using the knife to lift Fiona's chin and causing her to gasp.

"But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse." Continued the man in black.

"I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains." Brennan stated practically brimming with confidence.

The man in black raises an eyebrow. "You're that smart?"

"Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard or Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?" Asked Brennan with a smirk.

"Yes." Replied the man in black with a slight smile.

Brennan gestures wildly. "Morons!" He exclaimed.

"Really!" Replied the man in black with a growing smile. "In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits."

"For the special agent? To the death? I accept!" Brennan proclaimed in a grand manner gesturing for the man in black to sit across from him.

"Good, then pour the wine." Says the man in black while sitting down and reaching into a pocket in his shirt and removing a vial. "Inhale this but do not touch."

"I smell nothing." Brennan replied after inhaling above the now unstoppered vial.

"What you do not smell is Iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquid and is among the more deadly poisons known to man." Explained the man in black.

Brennan shrugs with laughter. "Hmmm."

The Man in black picks up both wine glasses and turns his back on Brennan, when he turns back he has an empty vial of poison in his hand along with the two glasses. "Alright, where is the poison?" He states, moving the glasses back and forth in front of both of them before setting a glass down in front of each of them. " The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink - and find out who is right, and who is dead." He smiles a large shining smile at Brennan.

"But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine it from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemies? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you...But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me." Brennan pontificates at length.

"You've made your decision then?" The man in black patiently asks.

Brennan grins happily. "Not remotely! Because Iocaine comes from Australia. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So, I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect." Quipped the man in black, somewhat sarcastically.

"Wait 'till I get going! ...where was I?" Brennan practically crowed.

The man in black answers dryly. "Australia."

"Yes! Australia! And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me." Brennan continued.

The man in black interrupted before Brennan can really get going again. "You're just stalling now."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you!" Exclaimed Brennan excitedly. "You've beaten my strong man, which means you're exceptionally strong...so you could have put the poison in your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Navy SEAL, which means you must have studied...and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!"

"You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work." The man in black interjected into the momentary silence.

Brennan gleefully exclaims. "It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!"

"Then make your choice." Respondes the man in black with patience.

"I will, and I choose..." Brennan paused and giving a bit of a jump, pointed behind the man in black. "What in the world can that be?"

The man in black turns quickly around to glance behind him, and while he is looking back Brennan switches the glasses. "What? Where? I don't see anything."

Brennan laughs a bit awkwardly." Oh, well, I...I could have sworn I saw something. No matter."

"What's so funny?" comes the suspicious reply.

"I...I'll tell you in a minute. First, lets drink, me from my glass and you from yours." Brennan replies picking up the glass in front of him and offering a silent toast to the man in black.

The man in black picks up his glass as well and returns the silent toast, they then both tip back their glasses and toss back the wine. "You guessed wrong."

"You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia; and only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line!" Brennan laughs hysterically for several minuets and then suddenly stops, gets a funny look on his face and keels over dead.

"Who are you?" Fiona asks as the man in black removes her blindfold.

"I'm no one to be trifled with. That is all you'll ever need know." Is the brisk reply.

Fiona looks at the man in black and shakes her head slowly. "And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned."

"They were both poisoned." The man in black tells her. "I spent the last few years building up immunity to iocaine powder."

Xxx0000xxxx0000

By this point Larry had reached the area where Jesse and the man in black had had their battle, Jesse is no longer there.

"Someone has beaten a strong man. There will be great suffering at Guilder if she dies." Larry states to his men.

000xxx000xxx000

The man in black and Fiona are running across an open plain, it is obvious that she is exhausted as he is nearly dragging her. They reach an area with a bit of cover on the edge of a steep hill and the man in black comes to a stop. "Catch your breath."

"If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom you'll get it, I promise you." Pants Fiona.

The man in black barks out a laugh. "And what is that worth... the promise of a woman...You're very funny special agent."

"I was giving you a chance. It does not matter where you take me. There is no greater hunter than Chief Special Operative Larry. He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you." She tells the man in black, sounding less and less winded by the moment.

The man in black gives her a half smile. "You think your dearest love will save you?"

"I never said he was my dearest love." Fiona replies quickly sounding thoroughly insulted. "And yes, he will save me - that I know."

"You admit to me you do not love your soon to be partner?. The man in black sounds surprised.

"He knows I do not love him." Fiona baldy states.

"...Are not capable of love is what you mean." Snaps the man in black.

Fiona looks thoroughly scandalized. "I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!"

The man in black pulls back his arm like he is going to backhand her and then seems to catch himself, "That was a warning, special agent! The next time my hand flies on its own; where I come from there are penalties when a women lies."

000xxx000xxx000xxx

"Now by this time Larry has reached the spot where the great battle of wits between the man in black and Brennan had taken place." Continues Maddy to a wide eyed Charlie.

Larry looks over Brennan's now still dead body and then turns to carefully pick up the empty vial still lying on the rock. He sniffs at it delicately. "Iocaine! I'd bet my life on it. And there are the special agent's footprints. She is alive, or was an hour ago...if she is otherwise, I shall be very put out!"

000xxx000xxx000xxx

Now since they have taken a bit of time to catch their breath the man in black has himself and Fiona on the move again." Madeline explains.

"Rest, Special Agent." The man in black says to Fiona, practically tossing her to the ground in another area that offers sparse cover along the edge of the hill.

Fiona looks up at him defiantly. "I know who you are. Your cruelty reveals everything. You're the Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley, admit it!"

"With pride." Replys the man in black with a cocky head tilt and slight bow in Fiona's direction. "What can I do for you?"

"You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces." Fiona practically spits at him.

The man in black shakes his head at her slowly and looks up at the sky. "Hardly complimentary, Special Agent...Why do you assure venom on me?"

"You killed my love." Fiona responds dejectedly.

The man in black seems to consider her statement for a moment. "It's possible, I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another company head like this one...ugly, rich, and scabby?"

"No, a bartender and IRA agent... poor! Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm." She seems momentarily lost in reflection and then continues. On the the high-seas your insurgency group attacked, and the Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley never takes prisoners!"

"I can't afford to make exceptions. I mean once word leaks out that a spy has gone soft people begin to disobey him and its nothing but work, work, work all the time." The man in black explained pacing a bit.

Fiona looked at him in outrage. "You mock my pain!"

"Life is pain, Special Agent! Anyone who says differently is selling something." The man in black responded bitingly, he then continued sounding a bit reflective. "I remember this young man of yours I think. This would be what? Five years ago? Does it bother you to hear?"

Fiona's reply was despondent. "Nothing you can say will upset me."

"He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said please, please, I need to live. It was the please that caught my memory. I asked what was so important for him; 'True love' he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness..." The man in black paused for a moment before continuing with a bit more rancor in his voice. "I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are."

"And what am I?" Fiona questioned defiantly.

The man in black responded with anger in his voice. "Faithfulness he talked of, madam, your enduring faithfulness! Now tell me truly, when you found out he was gone did you get engaged to your Chief Special Operative that same hour or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?"

"You mocked me once! Never do it again! I died that day!" Fiona shouts at him, clearly enraged. In the distance they see Larry and his henchman and while the man in black is momentarily distracted Fiona takes advantages and pushes him. "You can die too, for all I care!"

"As...you...wish..." Is the response she hears as the man in black tumbles down the steep hillside.

"Oh, my sweet Michael, what have I done?" Fiona cries out as he hurls herself down the steep slope after Michael. Slipping and tumbling the whole way.

Larry turns to Vaughn as the couple drops out of sight. "They disappeared. They must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking into error. Unless I'm wrong, and I'm never wrong, they are headed straight into the old abandoned munitions dump nicknamed the fire swamp."

Michael and Fiona finally reach the bottom of the hill and Michael crawls over to Fiona and wraps her in his arms. "Can you move at all?:

"Move? You're alive! If you want I could fly." Fiona replies joyously, gazing up at him lovingly.

Michel holds her a bit closer, "I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?"

"Well, you were dead." Fiona told him in all sincerity.

Michael looked deep into Fiona's eyes. "But death cannot stop true love...All it can do is delay it for a while."

"I will never doubt again." Fiona replied touching his face lovingly.

"There will never be a need." Michael responded as their lips meet.

"Oh, no! No. Please!" Charlie interrupts sharply.

Maddy pauses and looks at him "What is it? What's the matter?"

"They're kissing again." States Charlie in total disgust. "Do we have to hear the kissing part?"

Maddy chuckles under her breath. "Someday you might not mind so much."

"Skip on to the fire swamp, that sounded good!" Charlie prodded.

"Oh...you're sick, I'll humor you. Oh, okay..." Maddy said turning the page in the picture book in Charlie's lap and pointing to a picture of a deep ravine. "Michael and Fiona raced along the ravine floor.

"Aha! Your pig perspective partner is too late! A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire swamp." Michael exclaimed.

Fiona looked at him slightly worried. "We'll never survive."

"Nonsense!" Michael stated confidently. "You're only saying that because no one ever has."

As Michael and Fiona proceeded into the dark, dank, creepy and swampy old ammunitions dump, Michael looked around with interest. "It's not that bad..." He stated while receiving an incredulous glance from Fiona. "Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely."

They continue moving forward through the maze of mossy, damp trees when there is a sudden popping noise and a burst of flame shot up from the ground right at Fiona's feet, causing her to jump back with a bit of a shriek as her skirt caught fire.

Michael quickly and calmly smothered the flame. "Well now, that was an adventure. Singed a bit, were you?" He asked.

Fiona shook her head no in a slightly nervous manner. "You?"

Michael_ simply nods his head no, not losing an ounce of confidence, and they continue onward. Suddenly another popping sound is heard. Michael easily lifts Fiona out of the way as another burst of flame erupts from the ground. "_Well, one thing I will say; the fire swamp certainly does keep you on your toes. This will all soon be but a happy memory." Michael cut through a mass of vines that were across the path and held them out of the way for Fiona. "Finley's yacht Revenge is banked at the far end. And as you know I am Finley."

Fiona looked at him in mild confusion. "But how's that possible, since he's been spying 20 years and you only left me 5 years ago?"

"I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks." Michael smiled at her. "See, what I told you before about saying please was true...it intrigued Finley, as did my descriptions of your beauty. Finally, Finley decided something. He said, 'Alright Michael, I never had an apprentice, you can try if you'd like. I'm most likely to kill you in the morning.' For three years said that. 'Good night Michael, good work, sleep well, I'm most likely to kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me - I was learning to fence, fight, design and operate weapons anything anyone would teach me. Finley and I eventually became friends. And then it happened." Michael paused in his story.

"What? Go on." Fiona prompted.

Well Finley had grown so rich, he wanted to retire." Michael continued. "He took me to his cabin and told me his secret. 'I am not the Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley,' he said 'my name is Simon. I inherited this ship from the previous Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley, just as you will inherit it from me.'" Michael lifted Fiona out of the way of yet another burst of flame. "The man I inherited it from was not the real Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley either - his name was Stecker-Epps. The real Finley had been retired 15 years and was living like a king in Patagonia.'." Fiona held a branch out of the way for Michael. "Thank you." He said smiling at her as he ducked under the branch and took her hand. "Then he explained the name was the important for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dreaded Spy Michael. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard for a while as first mate, all the time calling me Finley. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Finley ever since. Except now that were together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?" Michael asked.

Fiona shakes her head yes and opens her mouth to speak, just as she stepped forward into what looked like a sandy spot on the path and vanished from sight. Michael, thinking quickly and creatively as spies are want to do, grabbed and sliced through a nearby vine, wrapped it about himself like a repelling harness and dove into the sand after her. Moments later his hands reappear above the sand, followed by the rest of him as well as Fiona, clinging onto his back for all she is worth. As they lie to the side of the pit of sand breathing heavily, Fiona gasps out, "We'll never succeed. We may as well die here."

"No, no." Michael gasped out. "We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the fire swamp? One, the land mine flame spurts - no problem - there's a popping sound preceding each. We can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too."

"Michael, what about the L.O.U.S.'s?" Fiona asked, sounding concerned.

"Lizzards Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist." Michael stated confidently, just as a giant lizard lunges from the underbrush, knocking him over and clamping onto his shoulder.

Michael and the giant lizard struggle and the lizard breaks free and begins chasing after Fiona who lets out a yell. "Michael!"

The giant lizard lunged towards her as she grabbed the nearest branch and started beating it about the head, kicking it away from her and trying to avoid the snapping jaws. Michael jumps on the beast and manages to roll it over. Suddenly there is a popping sound. Michael manages to roll one more time and the lizard is covered in flames just as he lets go. "Michael" Fiona calls out again as the lizard, still half alive crawls towards the bushes. Michael pursues the beast and stabs it a few more times until it stops moving. He then holds out his hand for Fiona, who comes forward and places her hand into his.

To be Continued…. (OMG… that took forever… thanks for hanging in there folks! I love all your reviews. *Flinging hugs and kisses at all my reviewers (see my new profile pic for the visual…though it may not be there till tomorrow)xoxo)


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to all who made it through the last chapter, I know it was a long one. This one is much shorter, so that is why I was able to post so quick. Hope you all are getting as much of a kick out of my casting as I am. Once again, I do not own either BN or The Princess Bride… but I love them both!**

Michael and Fiona make it to the edge of the old munitions dump known as the fire swamp, exhausted and bedraggled, but clearly triumphant.

"We did it!" Fiona breathed in relief.

Michael turned to her with a smile placing his arm around her waist. "Now, was that so terrible?"

Just as he was pulling her closer Larry and his henchmen appear seemingly from nowhere.

"Surrender!" Larry called out.

Michael stepped in front of Fiona and with a patently fake smile looked up at Larry. "You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well then, I accept.:

"I give you full marks for bravery." Larry said condescendingly. "Don't make yourself a fool."

Michael held his smile on his face. "Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the secrets of the fire swamp. We can live there happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit."

"I tell you once again, surrender!" Larry practically shouted, gesturing broadly as more of his men step out from behind the trees behind Michael and Fiona, surrounding them and cutting off their escape.

"It will not happen!" Michael yells drawing his sword.

Larry is incensed by the show of defiance and screams at Michael. "For the last time, surrender!"

"Death first!" Michael snaps back.

"Will you promise not to hurt him?" Fiona interrupted causing both men to stare at her in shock.

"What was that?" asked Larry.

Michael's response was even more baffled. "What was that?"

"If we surrender, and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this man?" Fiona addressed Larry.

"May I live a thousand years and never kill again!" Larry replied in a grandiose manner.

Fiona continued, "He is a sailor on the yacht Revenge. Promise to return him to his ship."

"I swear it will be done." Larry says smiling at Fiona, while out of the side of his mouth whispering to Vaughn. "Once we're out of sight, take him back to Florin Corp. and throw him in the Pit of Despair."

"I swear it will be done." Vaughn replied with a smile.

Fiona turned to Michael and gazed lovingly into his eyes. "I thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. I could not bear it if you died again, not when I could save you."

Larry takes Fiona from Michael and they leave. Michael is left standing alone amongst Larry's henchmen alone. Vaughn gestures him to come closet. "Come sir, we must get you to your yacht."

"We are men of action, lies do not become us." Michael replied, knowing very well that he will not be returning to his yacht.

Vaughn offers him a smarmy smile as he gestures for his men to escort Michael away. "Well spoken, sir." As he gestures he notices that Michael is looking at his right hand. "What is it?"

Michael smiled back, though it was really more of a barring of teeth. "You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you..." He didn't get the finish the sentence because a look of rage had come over Vaughn's face and he smacked Michael over the head with the hilt of his sword, rendering him unconscious.

To be continued…..


	7. Chapter 7

**Another short chapter, so I got up two in quick succession… enjoy… and the usual disclaimer still applies…**

Michael comes to in a dark, damp dungeon where he is tied to a table. As he gazes around the room an overly tan man with shockingly bleached white hair enters the room. He looks Michael over, and begins cleaning his wounds. Michael sucks in a breath as the white haired guy sponges off a particularly tender spot. "Where am I?"

The white haired guy responds in a really raspy voice. "The Pit of Despair...don't even think..." He starts to hack, cough and even kind of gag, before clearing his throat and continuing on in a normal voice. "Don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. And don't dream of being rescued either, the only way in is secret. Only the Chief Special Operative, his second in command, Sugar… that's me," he pointed to himself with a cocky grin. " know how to get in and out."

"Then I'm here 'till I die?" Michael asked.

Sugar shrugged nonchalantly. "'Till they kill you, yeah."

"Then why bother curing me?" wondered Michael in all seriousness.

"Well, the Chief Special Operative and the Second in Command always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken." Stated Sugar while continuing to sponge off Michael's wounds.

"So it's to be torture." Michael stated as Sugar nonned at him happily. "I can cope with torture." He continued stoically as sugar began vigorously shaking his head no. "You don't believe me?"

Sugar gave him a pitying smile. "You survived the fire-swamp, you must be very brave. But nobody withstands the machine." He stated nodding at a massive piece of equipment on the opposite side of the room.

To be continued….


	8. Chapter 8

**Ok… On a roll and going for 3 chapters in as many hours… I hope you are all enjoying this! Hope you don't get too mad at me for what is to come… but by the end of the chapter I know you will feel better about it. :=)**

**Still don't own them… **

Fiona is roaming the castle having second thoughts about returning with Larry and feeling generally dejected. Unbeknownst to her Larry and Vaughn are keeping close tabs on her.

"She's been like that ever since the fire swamp." Larry said to Vaughn as they watched her walk by. "It's the head of the board of directors' failing health that's upsetting her."

"Of course." Vaughn responded dryly.

"The head of the board of directors died that very night, and before the following dawn, Fiona and Larry were made partners. And at noon she met her employees again, this time as their leader." Maddy explained to Charlie.

Larry holds his hands up to the crowd of people waiting to hear him speak. "The head of the board's final words were..."

At this point Charlie can not take it any more and he interrupts the story "Hold it! Hold it! Grandma, you told that wrong. She doesn't partner Larry, she ends up with Michael. I'm just sure of it...after all that Michael did for her, if she didn't end up with him, it wouldn't be fair."

"Well who says life is fair?" asked Maddy. "Where is that written? Life isn't always fair?"

Charlie is so angry that he is almost in tears. "I'm telling you, you're messing up the story! Now get it right!"

"Do you want me to go on with this?" Maddy calmly replied, giving Charlie the look that both Nate and Michael had seen many times, the one that said cut the backtalk.

"Yes." Charlie replied all apologetic after seeing the look in Maddy's eyes.

Maddy takes pity on her grandson and gives him a slight smile. "Alright then, no more interruptions. At noon she met her employees again, this time as their leader."

"The head of the board's final words were, 'Love her, as I loved her and there will be joy." Larry sang out. "I present to you, your Co-Chief Special Operative; Chief Special Operative Fiona."

As Fiona walks out into the crowd a young man in a tight shirt with an obnoxious pattern on it calls out at her in a loud and accusing voice. "Booooooo! Booooooo! Boooooooo!"

"Why do you do this?" Fiona asked sounding a bit upset at the rudeness.

The young man practically spit his response at her. "Because you had love in your hands and you gave it up!"

"But they would have killed Michael if I hadn't done it." Replied Fiona passionately.

The young man gave her a look of disgust from his blue eyes that were remarkably like Michael's. "Your true love lives, and you partner up with another! True love saved her in the fire swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Chief Special Operative of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Chief Spec Opp of Slime, the Chief Spec Opp of Filth, the Chief Spec Opp of putrescence! Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo! Boo!" Just as the young man shouts out the last "Boo!" Fiona jolts awake in her bed, sitting up in an alarmed manner.

"It was ten days 'till the contract signing ceremony. The head of the board of directors still lived, but Fiona's nightmares were becoming steadily worse." Maddy said to Charlie, leaning over to turn another page in the book.

Charlie was so elated that he was practically bouncing on the bed. "See? Didn't I tell you she'd never partner with that rotten Larry."

"Yes, you're very smart. Now Shut up." Replied Maddy, trying to sound annoyed but sounding more amused than anything else.

Fiona stormed into Larry's office and threw herself into the nearest chair. "It comes to this: I love Michael, I always have - I know now I always will. If you tell me I must partner thee in ten days, please believe I will be dead by morning."

"I could never cause you grief." Larry replied trying to sound soothing and just managing to sound smarmy. "Consider our contract signing off." He then turned to Vaughn, who was sitting in another chair in the office where they plainly had been going over some paperwork. "You um...returned this Michael to his yacht?"

Vaughn replied with a sly twinkle in is eye. "Yes."

"Then we will simply alert him." Larry stated, turning to Fiona. "Beloved, are you certain he still wants you? After all it was you who did the leaving in the fire swamp. Not to mention that, uh, spys are not known as men of their words."

Fiona replied in sure confidence/ " My Michael will always come for me."

"I suggest a deal." Larry hedged. "You write four copies of a letter. I'll send my four fastest boats, one in each direction. The Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message. If Michael still wants you, bless you both; if not, please consider me as an alternative to suicide. Are we agreed?"

Fiona got up from her chair with a brief nod and swept regally from the room closing the door briskly behind her.

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok, so I am on a roll today… though I really do have other things that I need to be doing today, so this is the last update for this afternoon (though there may be more later tonight… wink wink). As usual, I do not own them… any of them… but I sure do love them. **

Larry and Vaughn are standing in a large grove of old and twisted trees. They are just outside the secret entrance to the Pit of Despair where Michael is being held captive. Vaughn gives Larry a cocky and overly full of himself smile. "Your Special Agent is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable."

"I know, the people are quite taken with her." Larry smiled back. "It's odd, but when I hired Brennan to have her murdered on the day of the announcement of our upcoming contract signing, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her after the actual signing ceremony. Once Guilder Corp. is blamed, the company will truly be outraged - they'll demand we go to war." Larry smiled evilly.

Vaughn snickered with shared joy at the thought of a war. "Now where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find…" He finds the knot in the trunk of the tree and presses it, causing a secret door to open up. "Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? Michael's got his strength back. I'm starting him on the machine tonight."

"Vaughn, you know how much I love watching you work," Larry replied, looking truly sorry to not be able to join in. "but I've got my company's 500th anniversary to plan, my contract signing to arrange, my partner to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped."

Vaughn nodded in concerned understanding. "Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything." He smiles at Larry halfheartedly as he enters the secret entrance and Larry leave the grove of trees.

Vaughn runs his hands over the massive machine that has now been hooked up through a series of suction cups, belts and straps to points all over Michael's now healed body. "Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and dividing interest in pain." He grinned at Michael in a slightly insane manner. "Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting."

Vaughn flips the first of many switches on the control panel of the machine. Water begins to flow and sparks begin to zap back and forth over exposed wires. "As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old.} He lectures to Michael. "Really that's all this is except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life." He begins making notes as Michael is clearly clenching his teeth to keep from making any noise and his back is arched off the table in pain. "I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, lets just start with what we have." He flipped the switch back to the off position and turns to Michael who's back has relaxed back to the table. "What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?"

Michael glared at Vaughn in helpless anger and tried in vain to stifle a moan of pain. Hearing the groan Vaughn begins writing obsessively. "Interesting."

**To be continued…..**


	10. Chapter 10

**Another short one… Sorry all who like the longer chapters, this is another short and quick one… but more action is coming soon I promise! As usual…not mine…**

Larry is yet again back in his office working hard on is plans. Carla, Larry's head of security enters the room. "Carla." Larry greets her.

"Sir." Carla responded.

Larry gestures her over to stand by his desk. "As head of security of all Florin Corp, I trust you with this secret: Killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Assassins' Forest and plan to murder my partner on the night of the contract signing."

Carla looks at him, clearly surprised. "My spy network has heard no such news."

Fiona quietly enters the office. "Any word from Michael?"

"Too soon, my angel. Patience." Larry answers, appearing startled by her sudden appearance.

Fiona raises her chin a bit defiantly and replies to Larry with confidence as she walks back out the door. "He will come for me."

"Of course." Larry responds distractedly as he turns back to Carla. "She will not be murdered! On the day of the signing, I want the Assassins' Forest emptied and every inhabitant arrested!

Carla looks distressed at the proclamation. "Many of the assassins will resist. My regular security enforcers will be inadequate.:

"Form a brute squad then!" Larry snapped in one of his lightning quick flashes of rage. "I want the Assassins' Forest emptied before I sign that contract."

"It won't be easy, Sir." Carla replied, trying to placate him.

Larry snaps back at her sarcastically. "Try ruling the world sometime."

**To be continued…**


	11. Chapter 11

**So here it is… The chapter so many of you have been waiting for… Yay! Anyways, I still don't own them but I am definitely enjoying playing in both worlds. Thanks again for the reviews! XOXOXO**

"The day of the contract signing arrived." Maddy told Charlie. "The brute squad had their hands full carrying out Larry's orders."

"Is everybody out?" Carla shouted to the large group of people clearing the Assassins' Forrest.

One of the large men that were involved in the loading of the trucks of prisoners responded back promptly. "Almost. There's an Ex Navy SEAL giving us some trouble."

"Well, you give him some...trouble." Carla snarled, anxious to finish her mission from Larry. "Move!" She barked at the men surrounding her.

000xxx000xxx000xx

"I am waiting for you Brennan!" Shouted Sam in an angry and plainly intoxicated voice. "You told me to go back to the beginning, so I have. This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved."

One of the brute squad walked up to Sam and yelled angrily "Ho there!"

"I do not budge." Sam glared and him and stumbled a few steps. "Keep your ho there."

The man tried to reason with Sam "But the Chief Special Operative gave orders!"

Sam is having none of it and he jumps up from where he has slumped onto a chair and slashes his sword at the startled larger man. "I know you Brennan..." He continued to yell. "when the job went wrong you went back to the beginning...And this is where we got the job, so it's the beginning. And I am staying 'till Brennan comes."

The man that Sam had just accosted with his sword calls out to someone behind Sam's back. "You! Brute, come here!"

"I...am...waiting...for...Brennan to come see me." Sam continues to mumble.

A deep voice responds as a very large hand grabs the back of Sam's neck. "You surely are a meany." Sam looks up at the large man holding on to him. "Hello." Jesse greets him.

"It's you!" Sam says with a beatific and drunken smile.

T who had originally started harassing Sam _jumps in to see what's going on, and Jesse knocks him out with one punch, then turns to Sam, whom he is still holding up. "_ You don't look so good..." Sam lets out a breathy laugh. "You don't smell so good either."

_Sam smiles up at Jesse. "_Perhaps no. I feel fine..." He takes a step away and Jesse lets go of Sam, who promptly falls on his face.

"Sam and Jesse were reunited, and as Jesse nursed his inebriated friend back to health, he told Sam of Brennan's death and the existence of Second in Command Vaughn, the six-fingered man." Maddy explained to a wide eyed Charlie. "Considering Sam's life-long search, he handled the news surprisingly well. Jesse took great care in reviving Sam."

After Sam passed out in his bowl of soup Jesse was carefully reviving him by shoving his head in first one large tub of water after another. Finally Sam came too. "That's enough! That's enough!" He yelled, sounding much more sober. "Where is this Vaughn now, so I might kill him?"

"He's with the Chief Special Operative in the fortress." Jesse explained. "But the castle gate is guarded by thirty men."

"How many could you handle?" Sam asked Jesse.

Jesse thought for a moment. "I don't think more than ten."

"...Leaving" Sam counted on his fingers. "twenty for me. At my best I could never defeat that many. I need Brennan to plan. I have no gift for strategy."

"But Brennan is dead." Stated Jesse baldly.

Sam's whole face lit up with inspiration. "No...not Brennan. I need the man in black."

"What?" Jesse asked in confusion.

Sam smiled back. "Look, he bested you at strength, your greatness. He bested me with steel. He must have out-thought Brennan, and a man who can do that can plan my fortress onslaught any day! Let's go!"

"Where?" Jesse asked.

"...Find the man in black obviously." Sam replied as if it were obvious.

"But you don't know where he is?" Jesse stated to Sam.

Sam waved his hand airily in Jesse's direction as he headed towards the door. "Don't bother me with trifles, after twenty years at last my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!"

To be continued… (Hell yeah! The boys are back in town. ;-)! )


	12. Chapter 12

**So now we are on to the chapter than everyone is gonna be upset about… continue reading at your own risk… warning issued… and if you have seen the movie you know what is coming. Anyways, not mine… though I wish they were…**

Larry is in his office sharpening one of his favorite combat knives when "

Carla walked in and dropped to a knee. "Rise and report!"

Carla stood and walked over to Larry's desk. "The Assassins' Forest is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate." She reported.

"Double it!" Larry barked, "My partner must be safe."

Carla responded with all confidence holding up a key. "The gate has but one key, and I carry that."

Fiona came striding through the door and Larry rose to meet her. "Ah, my dulcet darling! Tonight, we sign our contract." He then turns and addresses Carla. "Tomorrow morning your men will escort us to Florin Channel, where every boat in my armada waits to accompany us on our celebratory cruise."

"Every boat but your four fastest, you mean." Fiona said suspiciously at Larry's look of confusion. "Every boat but the four you sent."

Larry tries rather unsuccessfully to cover up his lapse "Yes. Yes of course. Naturally not those four."

Carla, feeling the tension in the room, scampers for the door. "Sir".

"You never sent the boats." Fiona accused and then after a brief pause stated with bright confidence. "It doesn't matter, Michael will come for me anyway."

Larry glared at her. "You're a silly girl".

"Yes I am a silly girl," Fiona shot back at him, "for not having seen sooner that you were nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear."

Larry responded with pure outrage. "I would not say such things if I were you."

"Why not?" Fiona snapped back at him with a toss of her head. "You can't hurt me. Michael and I are joined by the bonds of love, and you cannot track that; not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you're a coward, it is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the Earth." She finished with her eyes practically shooting sparks of defiance.

Larry snarled at her and roughly grabbed her arm as he dragged her from the room. "I would not say such things if I were you!" He threw Fiona into her room and locked the door. He then stormed out of the fortress and stormed his way to the Pit of Despair. Storming into the dungeon room where Michael was being kept he began ranting at him. "You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no mater what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will." Larry whirled away from Michael and turning to the control panel of the machine, slammed the power level all the way to the top.

"Not to fifty!" Screamed Vaughn.

Michael's back arched off the table in such a bow that he was bent nearly in half despite the restraining straps and the most horrible primal scream issued from somewhere deep in his chest. Ringing out over the whole of the lands owned by the corporation.

"Jesse! Jesse! Listen. Do you hear?" Sam cried out, hearing the painful scream. "That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Vaughn slaughtered my father. The man in black makes it now."

Jesse looked at him skeptically. "The man in black?"

"His true love is marrying another tonight. So who else is the cause for ultimate suffering." Explained Sam as he and Jesse were pushing their way through the gathered crowd of people "Excuse me. Pardon me, it's important." They struggle forward a few more feet. "Jesse, please?" Sam requested.

Jesse let out a huge bellow. "EVERYBODY, MOVE"!"

"Thank You." Stated Sam as the whole crowd cleared out creating a perfect clear path for the two.

Sam and Jesse continue to follow the sound of the prolonged scream until they reach the grove with the entrance to the Pit of Despair, where they come across Sugar pushing a wheelbarrow. Sam addresses him impatiently. "Where is the man in black? You get that from this grove, yes?" Sugar just stared at Sam, startled. "Jesse, jog his memory." Sam requested.

"I'm sorry Sam." Stated Jesse after he had wacked Sugar on the top of his head, causing the white haired man to crumple to the ground. "I didn't mean to jog him so hard. Sam?"

Sam, not one to give up at any cost, kneels on the ground in a praying manner, holding his sword like a cross and begins to pray. "Father, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I can not find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword, please. Guide my sword." He stands with is eyes closed and holds his sword like a dousing rod. He weaves here and there and finally stops when his sword sticks into a nearby tree. When nothing happens Sam thinks he has failed and despondently leans against the tree, the secret entrance to the Pit of Despair opens, and with a glance upward in thanks Sam and Jesse enter the Pit.

They find Michael still strapped to the table, Jesse rushes over and places his ear to Michael's chest. "He's dead."

"This is no fair." Sam cries out in disbelief.

Charlie nearly erupts off the bed. "Grandma! Grand,a! Wait, wait. What did Jesse mean,'He's Dead.? I mean, he didn't mean 'dead? Michael is only faking, right?"

"Do you want me to continue this story or not?" Maddy asked.

"Who gets Larry!" Charlie nearly shouted.

Maddy looked at him in confusion. "I don't understand?"

"Who kills Chief Special Operative Larry? At the end, someone's got to do it! Is it Sam? Who?" Charlie is nearly in tears he is so upset.

Maddy patiently pats his hand. "Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives."

"You mean he wins?" Charlie cries out is disbelief and anger. "Jesus, Grandma! What did you tell me this thing for?"

Madeline gives Charlie a look of patient love. "You know, you...you've been very sick and you're taking this story very seriously. I think we'd better stop now." She replied calmly to his outburst and starting to get up from her chair.

"No. I...I'm okay. I'm okay. Sit down. I'm alright." Charlie begged, trying to sound calm.

"Okay. Alright, now lets see...where were we?" Maddy replied, sitting back down in her chair. "Oh, yes, in the Pit of Despair."

"The Axe's have never taken defeat easily." Sam stated with resolution in his voice. "Come Jesse, bring the body."

Jesse looked at him in mild confusion. "The body?"

"Have you any money?" Sam asked, ignoring Jesse's previous question.

"I have a little." Jesse responded.

"I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle, that's all." Stated Sam.

**To be continued….**


	13. Chapter 13

**Wow! That last chapter was painful! Sorry we all had to go through that. But now we get to some really funny stuff to cheer us all up. I hope you get as big a kick out of what is to come as I do…. As always, the usual disclaimer applies. Thanks for hanging in there all!**

_Sam and Jesse arrive with Michael's body in front of a rundown wooden home, they knock on the door and an irritated voice from inside shouts out. "Go away…"_

_Sam knocks harder until a man with flyaway and disheveled brown hair answers by looking through a hole cut in the door. "_ What? What?" He asked in a slightly tripped out voice.

"Are you the Miracle Man Seymour who worked for the Head of the Board all those years?" Sam asked.

"The head of the board's stinking Chief special operative fired me." He whined and pouted. "And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it. We're closed!" He slams the little door that covers the hole in the main door. Sam continues to pound on the door and it opens again. "Beat it or I'll call the brute squad! '

Jesse replied promptly. "I'm on the brute squad."

"You are the brute squad!" Seymour stated looking at the very large man outside his door.

Sam stepped up again. "We need a miracle. It's very important."

"Look, I'm retired." Seymour tried to explain. "Besides, why would you want someone the head of the board's stinking Chief Spec Ops fired. I might kill whoever you want to make the miracle."

Sam shrugged. "He's already dead."

"He is, eh?" Seymour replied with a spark of interest. "I'll have a look. Bring him in. " Seymour opens up the door and the two men shuffle in with Michael's body. Seymour looks him over. "I've seen worse." He proclaimed completely absorbed.

"Sir...Sir." Sam interrupted Seymour, as he seemed totally lost in his examination.

Seymour looked up in confusion. "Huh?"

"We're in a terrible rush." Sam explained.

Seymour gave Sam a rather sour look. "Don't rush me sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money? '

"Sixty-five." Sam told him.

"Sheesh!" Seymour breathed out. "I never worked for so little; except once and that was a very noble cause."

"This is noble sir." Sam began explaining, getting creative. "His wife is...crippled...children on the brink of starvation..."

"Are you a rotten liar." Seymour said to Sam, seeing right through his story.

Sam decided to go with the truth. "I need him to help avenge my father, murdered this twenty years."

"Your first story was better. Where's that bellows cramp. He probably owes you money, huh. Well, I'll ask him." Seymour stated, puttering around the main room of the house.

Sam looked at him like he had lost his mind "He's dead. He can't talk."

"Ooooohhh! Look who knows so much, eh!" Seymour taunted. "It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please open his mouth." He said to Sam and Jesse as he inserted the bellows cramp into Michael's mouth and began pumping in air. "Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do."

"What's that?" Sam asked.

"Go through his clothes and look for loose change." Seymour finishes pumping air into Michael and leaning down close to his head yells at him. " Hey! Hello in there! Hey! What's so important? Whatcha got here, that's worth living for?" He then pushes down on Michael's chest.

So quietly that the words could barely be heard a response wheezed out of Michale. "True...love..."

"True love!" Sam proclaimed excitedly. "You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that."

Seymour looked at Sam like he had lost his mind. "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world; except for a nice MLT - Mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich - when the Mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato's ripe. They're so perky. Or a nice mango smootie with no wheat grass. I love that. But that's not what he said! He distinctly said, 'to blaithe.' And as we all know, to blaithe means to bluff. So, you were probably playing cards and he cheated..."

Suddently a muscular long haired man burst from a back room and interrupted Seymour. "Liar! Liar! Liarrrrrrr!"

"Get back, witch!" Seymour yelled at him.

The long haired man yelled back. "I'm not a bodyguard, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore."

"You never had it so good." Seymour replied as he smiled at Sam.

The bodyguard spoke up again. "True love, who said true love, Seymour? '

"Don't say another word, Jackass..." Seymour warned as Sam and Jesse looked on at the exchange in disbelief.

"You're afraid." Jackass accused Seymour. "Ever since Chief Special Operative fired him, his confidence has shattered." Jackass explained to Sam and Jesse.

Seymour yelled at Jackass. "Why'd you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name!"

'What, Larry?" Jackass asked with fake innocence.

Seymour cringed. "Ahh!"

"Larry!" Jackass said again.

"Ahh!" Seymour yelled again as Jackass begins chasing him around the room yelling and Seymour covers his ears.

"Larry!"

"Ahh!"

"Larry!"

"Ahh!"

Jackass continues in a singsongy voice. "Larry... Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry!

"I'm not listening!" Seymour replied back.

"True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!" Jackass accused.

Seymour still has his ears covered. "Nobody's hearing nothing!"

"Larry!" Jackass continues to yell.

Sam has finally had enough and interrupts. "This is Fiona's true love. If you heal him, he will stop Larry's contract signing!"

"Shut up!" Seymour said to Jackass.

Sam let out a sigh. "Thank you. Thank you."

"Wait, wait." Seymour said to Sam. "I make him better, Larry suffers?"

"Humiliations galore!" Sam replied with a broad smile.

Seymour barked out a laugh. Ha ha!" He danced across the room sinsonging in what sounded something like. 'I'm gonna lick the dalmation.' But was most likely Yiddish. "That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five! I'm on the job!"

"Woo hoo!" Jackass cheered.

Seymour and Jackass start creating a pill that looks more like a chocolate covered peanut butter ball than anything else, while Sam and Jesse look on.

"That's a miracle pill?" Sam asked, not quite sure that the crazy couple making the "pill" were not full of it.

Jackass gave him a beautific smile and replied. "The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But, you have to wait fifteen minutes before potency. And, he shouldn't go in swimming after for at least..." He looked over at Seymour.

"An hour!" Stated Seymour.

Jackass nodded in agreement. "An hour."

"...A good hour...Here." He hands Sam the pill after dropping it into a little bag.

"Thank you for everything." Sam says to them both as he and Jesse head towards the door.

"Okay!" Seymour replied ushering them out the door.

Jackass waved at them as they walked away. "Bye bye, boys!" He called after them.

"Have fun storming the fortress!" Seymour shouted as well.

Jackass turned to Seymour. "Think it will work?"

"It would take a miracle." Seymour replied.

They both pasted on big fake smiles and waved even more rabidly after Sam and Jesse. " B-bye!"

**To be continued**…


	14. Chapter 14

_**So we are getting to the action folks. Hope you are all enjoying the story so far! Thanks to all of you who have reviewed. Anyways, neither Burn Notice nor the Princess Bride are mine… but they sure do make life fun.**_

_Sam, Jesse, and Michael's body are all on top of one of the fortress' outer walls overlooking the front entrance. Jesse is busy counting the large number of men guarding the door. "Sam_, there's more than thirty!"

"What's the difference?" Sam replied propping Michael up on the wall between himself and Jesse. "We've got him! Help me here. We have to force-feed him."

"Has it been fifteen minutes?" Jesse asked.

Sam gazed up at the sun and shrugged. "We can't wait. The signing is in half an hour. We must strike in the hustle and the bustle before hand. Tilt his head back. Open his mouth." Jesse tilted back Michael's head and pried his jaws apart while Sam shoved the pill in and then closed Michael's mouth, holding it closed.

"How long do we have to wait before we know if the miracle works?" Jesse wondered.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Sam replied.

Suddenly Michael's disoriented voice comes from between the two. "I'll beat you both apart! I'll take you both together!"

"I guess not very long." Jesse quipped dryly.

Michael shifted his eyes to look at Jesse. "Why won't my arms move?"

"You've been mostly dead all day" Jesse replied

.

"We had Miracle Seymour make a pill to bring you back." Explained Sam.

Michael looked back and forth between the two other men. "Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Fiona?" He shot off the questions rapid fire.

"Let me explain..." Sam started. "no, there is too much. Let me sum up; Fiona is signing a contract with Larry in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the ceremony, steal the special agent, make our escape - after I kill Second in Command Vaughn."

Michael moved his eyes back and forth between the two men and wiggled a finger. "That doesn't leave much for dilly-dallying."

"You just wiggled your finger! That's wonderful!" Jesse said to him.

"I've always been a quick healer." Michael replied. "What are our liabilities?"

Sam answered in all seriousness. "There is but one working fortress gate, and it is guarded by sixty men."

"And our assets?" Michael asked.

"Your brains, Jesse's strength, my steel." Sam replied.

Michael gave Sam a incredulous. "That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan maybe I could come up with something. But this..." he bobbled his head back and forth.

"You just shook your head! That doesn't make you happy?" Jesse asked.

"My brains, his steel and your strength against sixty men and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Hmm?" Michael gave Jesse a sarcastic smirk. "I mean if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something."

Sam paused for a moment and looked at Jesse. "Where did we put that wheelbarrow the guy with the white hair had?"

"Over the white haired guy, I think?" replied Jesse.

"Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?" Michael sighed. "What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak..." He said thoughtfully.

Sam also sighed. "There we cannot help you."

"Would this do?" Jesse asked, pulling a large black cloak out from inside his shirt.

"Where did you get that?" Sam asked.

"At Miracle Seymour's. It fit so nice, he said I could keep it." Jesse replied with a smile.

"Alright, alright, come help me up." Michael said with purpose as they helped him up from his position against the wall. "Now I'll need a sword eventually."

Sam looked at him in confusion. "Why? You can't even lift one."

"True, but that's hardly common knowledge, is it?" Michael told him with a big smile. Sam handed him a sword. "Thank you. Now, there may be problems once we're inside." Michael continued.

"I'll say." Sam interjected. "How do I find Vaughn. Once I do, how do I find you again. Once I find you again, how do I escape."

Jesse looked at Sam slightly exasperated. "Don't pester him, he's had a hard day."

"Right, right...sorry." Sam apologized.

"Sam?" Jesse asked'

"What?" Sam responded.

"I hope we win." Jesse said.

Xxx000xxx000xxx

Inside the fortress Fiona was getting dressed for the contract signing when Larry walked in. "You don't seem excited my little muffin." He said to her, walking up and fastening her necklace for her.

Fiona gave him a sour look. "Should I be?" She asked sarcastically.

"Most women signing such an advantageous contract often are, I'm told." Larry replied in all seriousness.

Fiona got up from her dressing table with a calm grace. "I do not sign this contract tonight. My Michael will save me." She said and swept from the room.

**To be continued…**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for the delay in getting this posted, it is a long chapter and RL got in the way (isn't that how it always goes). So with no further ado, I present to you the final chapter of the BN version of the Princess Bride. Of course I don't own any of it, but I thank the PTB for letting me take them out to play.**

Inside the fortress in a highly decorated conference room Fiona and Larry are standing before a well dressed member of the board who is dressed in a very sharp suit and begins the contract signing ceremony with a slightly lispy European accent. "Mewwrger. Mewwrger is what bwings us togethaw today. Mewwrger, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam..."

From outside Carla's voice can be heard addressing her troops. "Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!"

Jesse is wearing the black cloak and is standing in the wheelbarrow while Sam , with Michael supported between the handles, is pushing it slowly forward, Jesse looks huge and fearsome and calls out in a deep booming voice. "I am the Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley! There will be no survivors!"

"Now?" Sam asks Michael.

"Not yet." Michael responded.

Jesse continued, his voice booming over the crowd of men in front of the gates. "My men are here! I am here! ... but soon you will not be here!"

"Now?" Sam asks again, his voice strained from trying to hold up the wheelbarrow.

"Light him!" Michael says at last as they hold a torch to the back of the cloak and it bursts into flame.

Out of the flames Jesse's voice continues to boom. "The Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley takes no survivors! All your worst nightmares have but to come true!" As the wheelbarrow with Jesse in the flaming cloak moves forward the many of the guards are overcome with fear and scatter, despite Carla's promises of retribution.

Inside the man in the suit continued his speech. "Then wove, twue wove, will follow you fowever..."

"The Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley is here for your soul!" Jesse continues as Carla is yelling for the guards to fight. The last bellow from Jesse is too much for the rest of the guards and despite Carla's threats they run away.

"So tweasure youw..." the efficient continued.

Larry impatiently interrupted him. "Skip to the end!"

"Have you the contwact?" he asked.

Fiona hearing the continued noise from outside looked at Larry and stated with supreme confidence. "Here comes my Michael now."

Outside of the fortress Jesse has removed the now smoking cloak and all three men are standing in front of Carla, who is the only guard who had not run away. As they approach Carla the gate over the doors begins to close. "Jesse. the portcullis!" Michael calls out as Jesse then grabs the gate and lifts it back up, though not without some trouble.

Inside Larry glared at Fiona. "Your Michael is dead. I killed him myself."

"Then why is there fear behind your eyes." Fiona shot back at him.

Michael, Sam and Jesse have Carla trapped in front of the door "Give us the gate key." Michael requested of her calmly.

Carla tried vainly to lie. "I have no gate key."

"Jesse, tear her arms off." Michael said, clearly seeing through the lie.

Carla reached into her pocket and pulled out a key. "Oh, you mean this gate key." She quickly answered, handing the key over in order to save her own skin.

The ceremony continued inside. "Do you Special Agent Fiona..."

"Partners for life! Say partners for life!" Larry barked at him angrily.

The man overseeing the ceremony promptly repeated Larry's request. "Partners for life."

Larry grabbed Fiona's arm and handed her over to the Head of the Board and the CFO. "Escort the Special Operative to our suite. I'll be there shortly."

"He didn't come..." Fiona stated forlornly as the two men, dressed almost like twins, led her away.

Jesse, Sam and Michael are in the fortress and making their way towards where Fiona can be found. Sam is leading the way and Jesse is holding up Michael as they move from corridor to corridor. They are just about to round another corner when they run into Vaughn and 4 of his minions. "Kill the one in the flowered shirt and the strongman but leave the third for questioning." Vaughn ordered.

The guards try to rush Sam, but they are no match for his skills and all four are in crumpled, bloody heaps on the floor, leaving just Vaughn standing and facing them. Sam steps forward and smiles grimly at Vaughn. "Hello, my name is Samuel Axe. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Vaughn raises his sword like he is going to fight Sam, and just as Sam steps forward Vaughn turns and runs. Sam tares after him but is stalled when Vaughn runs through a door and locks it behind him. Sam, not one to give up, slams himself against the door repeatedly but it does not budge. "Jesse! I need you!" he called out.

"I can't leave him alone!" Jesse replied hoisting Michael up higher.

Sam continues to yell with more urgency in his voice. "He's getting away from me Jesse! Please! Jesse!"

"I'll be right back." Jesse says to Michael, leaning him against a wall. He then quickly runs down the hall to where Sam is still slamming himself against the door that Vaughn disappeared through. Jesse gently shoves Sam out of the way and with one solid blow of his shoulder knocks the door open. "Thank you." Sam says to Jesse in a heartfelt manner as he dodges through the door and continues his chase.

The head of the board and the CFO lead Fiona from the room where the ceremony took place. The head of the board smoothed his bushy hair and mustache. "Strange ceremony..." He said, looking confused by the whole thing.

"Yes, a very strange ceremony." Replied the CFO straightening his slightly rumpled suit. "Come along." He said to the head of the board as he headed out of the room.

Fiona leaned over and planted a quick kiss on the cheek of the Head of the board. "What was that for?" He asked, truly baffled by her action and a bit suspicious.

"Because you've always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the suite." She told him in all honesty.

"Won't that be nice..." He replied, thinking that she is joking with him, He then hurried to catch up to the CFO. "She kissed me!" He told the other man with a big grin and a bit of a besotted laugh.

Vaughn eventually runs into a dead end. Sam, who of course is still chasing after him catches up rather quickly. Never one to fight fair Vaughn removes a throwing dagger from his boot and as Sam rounds the corner Vaughn throws the knife. "Sorry father, I tried." Sam gasps clutching the dagger protruding from his stomach as his knees give out.

Vaughn thinks for a moment. "You must be that little brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. You've been tracing me your whole life, only to fail now?" he gloated. "I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous." He smiled at Sam in a truly condescending manner.

The Head of the Board and the CFO have dropped Fiona off in the Suite and both have said goodbye. Fiona calmly walked over to her dressing table with focus and opening a box that she had placed there earlier removes an ornate and yet very sharp knife. She took a deep breath and brought the dagger's tip up to rest between her breasts, closing her eyes and steeling herself for the pain that she knows is to come. "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours." Comes a voice from behind her.

Fiona's eyes fly open and she whirls around to see Michael lying on the bed. She jumps up off the chair she had been sitting in and throws herself onto the bed, landing on top of Michael and knocking the wind out of him, "Michael! Oh, Michael darling!" She kisses him passionately holding his face in her hands. "Michael, why won't you hold me?" She asks, coming up for air when his arms have not closed around her as expected.

"Gently..." Michael wheezes out as he has almost no strength and then had the wind knocked out of him by Fiona's exuberant greeting.

Fiona looks at him like he has lost his mind. "At a time like this, that is all you can think to say? Gently?" She kisses him again, determined to get the reaction she desires.

"Gently..." Michael mumbles under her lips as she lets go of his head and it bangs painfully into the head-board of the bed.

Meanwhile Sam is staring at Vaughn in stunned disbelief as he pulls the dagger from his stomach and tries to stand. Vaughn can barely believe his eyes. "Good heavens...are you still trying to win?" he asked incredulously. "You've got an over developed sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday." Vaughn took out his sword and tried to run Sam through the heart. Sam's sword flashes up in response and blocks the attack, causing Vaughn to stab him in the arm instead. Vaughn looks at him in shock since Sam looks ready to die at any moment.

"Hello, my name is Samuel Axe. You Killed my father. Prepare to die." He weakly growls out, forcing himself away from the wall that he had fallen against and still holding his stomach. Vaughn attacks again and again Sam's sword flashes out misdirecting the other man's sword so it only strikes him in the shoulder. The pain seems to rouse Sam further. "Hello, my name is Samuel Axe. You Killed my father. Prepare to die." Sam's voice gains in strength and he fiercely lunges at Vaughn. "Hello, my name is Samuel Axe! You Killed my father! Prepare to die!" He yells.

Vaughn is totally thrown off by the transformation taking place in the other man and reaplys in anger with a bit of fear beginning to show through. "Stop saying that!"

"Hello, my name is Samuel Axe! You Killed my father! Prepare to die!" Sam shouts at Vaughn, enraged. He trapped Vaughn against a take and slashes his chin. "Offer me money!" He slashes Vaughn's face again.

Vaughn replies fearfully. "All that I have and more. Please..."

Sam stabs Vaughn in the arm in the same place he had earlier been stabbed. "Offer me anything I ask for." He snarled as he stabbed Vaughn again, this time in the shoulder.

"Anything you want..." Vaughn cries out fervently as he tried in desperation to fend Sam off.

"I want my father back, you son of a bitch!" Sam counters as he stabbed Vaughn one last time, this time through the heart. Vaughn's body crashed to the floor, dead. Sam took a moment to gaze at the other man's corpse and then turned and ran out of the room to find Michael and Jesse.

In the suite Fiona is gazing down at Michael, her eyes luminous with unshed tears. "Oh, Michael, will you ever forgive me?" She asked.

"What hideous sin have you committed lately?" Michael responded, gazing with rapt fascination at her beauty.

She gazed back at him equally enraptured. "I've been contracted. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast."

"It never happened." Michael responded confidently.

Fiona looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"It never happened." Michael repeated.

"But it did! I was there...this sorta gay english man said partners for life." Fiona explained.

Michael smiled up at her. "Did you sign the contract?"

"Uh...no." Fiona paused for a moment and then continued. "We sort of skipped that part."

"Then you're not contracted. You didn't sign it. You didn't do it. Wouldn't you agree, Chief Special Operative?" Michael replied and then turned his head to level a glare at Larry who was standing in the doorway.

Larry glared back. "A technicality that will shortly be remedied...but first things first…" He stepped further into the room, and drew his sword. "To the death!" He barked out.

"No! To the pain!" Michael snapped back, slowly sitting up.

Larry paused in confusion. "I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase?"

"I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand. You-wart-hog-faced-buffoon!" Michael taunted.

Larry inhaled sharply in insult. "That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me."

"It won't be the last." Michael replied smugly giving Larry a big toothy smile. "To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your your feet below the ankles, then your hands at your wrists. Next, your nose.

Larry interrupted impatiently. "Then my tongue, I suppose? I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."

"I wasn't finished!" Michael snapped, and then continued, his voice harder than before. "The next thing you lose will be your left eye followed by your right!"

"And then my ears...I understand! Let's get on with it!" Larry interrupted again, clearly unnerved by Michael's calm.

"Wrong!" Michael responded, finally letting his own anger show through. "Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why; so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness is yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out, 'dear god what is that thing!' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

Larry seamed to gather his courage. "I think your bluffing."

"It's possible, pig." Michael replied back with a raised eyebrow. "I might be bluffing. It's conceivable you miserable vomitous mass, I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength to stand after all." Michael slowly stands up and pointed his sword at Larry's chest. "Drop... your... sword." He bit out, deadly serious. Larry looked at Michael for a moment and then threw his sword to the ground.

"Now have a seat." Michael gestured to a nearby chair with his sword. He then turned to Fiona. "Tie him up. Make it as tight as you like." Fiona grabs the chording that is holding back the curtains to the bed stand and proceeds to tie Larry to the chair so tightly that every knot she ties makes him wince. She is wearing a happy and slightly feral smile.

Sam comes stumbling through the door just as Fiona is finishing tying up Larry. "Where's Jesse?" He asked.

"I thought he was with you?" Michael replied. "In that case..." Michael stepped away from the bed post that he was leaning against and his knees sag, causing his to almost fall over.

Sam turns to Fiona. "Help him."

"Why does Michael need helping?" She asked, suddenly realizing that Michael truly was in much worse shape than she had thought.

"Because he has no strength." Sam replied

Larry nearly crowed from where he was seated tied to the chair. "I knew it! I knew you were bluffing!" His voice trailed off when Sam pointed his sword at him. "I knew he was...bluffing." He finished almost pouting.

"Shall I dispatch him for you?" Sam asked Michael.

Michael paused for a moment as if considering and then answered Sam. "Thank you, but no. Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life, alone with his cowardness." He shot Larry a gloating and taunting grin.

"Sam! Sam! Where are you?" Jesse's voice drifts up from outside. Sam runs to the open window and leans out. "Oh...there you are." Jesse waved seeing Sam looking down at him, "Sam, I saw the Chief Special Operative's stable, and there they were four white horses. And I thought there are four of us, if we ever find the lady." Michael and Fiona are now also looking out the window to see Jesse holding the reins of 4 magnificent horses. Jesse smiled up at Fiona with a slightly besotted look on his face and waves at her. "Hello lady!" Fiona waved back and Jesse continued. "...So I took them with me in case we ever bumped into each other. But I guess we just did.

"Jesse, you did something right." Sam praised.

Jesse responds with a smile and held out his arms to Fiona. "Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head." Fiona turns and smiles at Michael and Sam as she jumps out the window and is caught easily by Jesse.

"You know, it's very strange." Sam said, as he turned to Michael. "I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."

Michael gave him a big grin and replied in all seriousness "Have you ever considered spying? You'd make a wonderful Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley." Sam and Michael both then jumped lightly from the window, leaving Larry behind still tied to the chair.

"They rode to freedom." Maddy told Charlie. "As dawn arose, Michael and Fiona knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other..." Maddy stopped.

"What? What?" Charlie prompted into the silence.

Maddy smiled at him and shook her head. "Naah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear that."

"Well...I don't mind so much." Charlie said not wanting to sound like he wanted to actually hear the kissing part.

"Okay." Maddy gave him a loving smile and continued. "Since the invention of the kiss, there had been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. THE END." She finished the story and stood. "Now, I think you ought to go to sleep." She said tucking Charlie in.

Charlie snuggled down into the blankets. "Okay..."

"Okay..." Maddy rummaged in her pockets and purse, making sure she didn't forget anything. "okay... okay...alright...Namaste." She said using one of her favorite yoga phrases as she leaned down and kissed Charlie on the forehead.

"Grandma." Charlie called out as she was walking out the door. "Maybe you could come over and tell it again to me tomorrow."

Maddy turned at the door and smiled. "As you wish."

**Well there we are… I hope you all enjoyed the BN version of the Princess Bride. Sorry that I could not put in anything about yogurt (though I did debate making the pill made by Seymour and Jackass yogurt covered… of course it came to me right after I had already posted the chapter and RL got in the way of going back and updating it before most of you had read it, so it stays as it is). Thanks to everyone so much for all your reviews and support. Especially DaisyDay and purdys pal for all your reviews and letting me bounce ideas off ya, and also a special mention to Storyfan101, coolaquariun, and Moe38 for your kind reviews of pretty much every chapter. You all inspired me to work my hardest to get the story right and posted quickly. Much love and many hugs! **

**ariesrobin **


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